Guilt Over Asking For Help With Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Author: Admin // Category: Fibromyalgia
I hate asking for help. I’ve always thought of myself as a strong, independent person, and asking for help with things I think I “should” be able to handle is like admitting weakness. But you know what? I need to get over it.
The reality is, I have fibromyalgia. I’m not sick because I’m weak, but I have to accept that I have certain weaknesses because I’m sick. That means sometimes I have to ask for help.
Even though I’ve regained a lot of my functionality, I can’t do everything myself. It’s hard enough to raise 2 children, cook meals, clean a 4-bed/3-bath house, and maintain a third of an acre while working from home when you’re healthy! My husband and I share the housework, and I try to carry my share. I have to admit, though, that I can’t get through a week without him having to pick up some jobs that are typically mine. If he doesn’t do a load of dishes or fold some laundry on a fairly regular basis, I get behind and can’t catch up.
At times when my health has been especially bad, we’ve had to ask for outside help. Because of either distance or jobs, most of our family members can’t jump in at a moment’s notice, so we end up relying on his nearly 80-year-old grandmother — who maintains her own house and yard and can run circles around me on my best days. We’ve depended on her to get our son to school when I can’t drive, watch our daughter on days I can’t take care of her, stay with the kids while we go to the emergency room, etc.
I feel a lot of guilt over asking for this help, and my guilt keeps me from asking for more help, from more people. It’s a tough thing to deal with, especially when it’s a battle to maintain a positive self image while regularly saying, “I can’t.”
Feelings like this are all part of accepting our illness — which is not the same as giving in to it. My acceptance level is fairly high, but I do still have some issues (like guilt) to work through. I know that the more I accept my illness and limitations, the more I can work to overcome them instead of battling against them. I know that acceptance can help me recover. I really do try not to feel guilty, but I’m just not there yet.
Now and then, I go back and re-read this article on reaching acceptance and why it’s important for us:
It helps me clarify things in my mind and re-focus my efforts where they really matter — nothing is served by wasting energy on guilt over things I can’t control. I hope it will help you, too.
Have you struggled with guilt over asking for help and relying on others? What has been hardest for you? What has helped? Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
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Guilt Over Asking For Help With Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome originally appeared on About.com Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome on Monday, February 8th, 2010 at 06:00:13.
