We talked here awhile ago about how hard it can be to answer the question, “How are you?” That’s just one of many social situations that become awkward when you’re living with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. I wanted to share with you a comment that Laurie made on that blog to start a conversation about another one of “those” questions. Laurie wrote:
“The ‘What do YOU do’ question plagues my self-esteem so badly. I WAS a nurse and am able to do some volunteer work now as I get a better day. But I hate social situations because of the Fibro -I arrange my whole day around an occasion, finally get myself together, get there, try to smile and then have to play verbal tennis while avoiding questions. Sometimes it’s just not worth it!” ~Laurie
In today’s society, we’re largely defined by what we do for a living. Far too many people equate the worth of a paycheck with the worth of a human being. The first thing we need to do to keep that question from making us cringe is get past that way of thinking ourselves. Easier said than done, I know, but we need to start by seeing the value that we have as individuals — apart from a job, our health, or how much we’re able to do in a day.
You’ve probably heard this from me before, but it helps to have responses in mind so you don’t have to come up with something off the top of your (probably foggy) head. Think about the question for a moment — what do you do? Now craft an answer around that. Do you volunteer? Are you raising children? Do you have a hobby? Whatever you do, that’s your answer.
I’m a firm believer that humor always helps. If you look uncomfortable or overly serious talking about something, it has a dampening effect on a conversation. However, if you give them a smile and say, “I see lots of doctors and otherwise enjoy a life of leisure,” you’ve told them you’re sick without being a big downer. The key is that you’re comfortable with yourself and confident in what you’re saying. If you’re not really comfortable or confident, fake it.
This is a little different from my take on “How are you?” because the question is different. “How are you?” can come from anyone you encounter, from your best friend to a store clerk. Different levels of familiarity warrant different responses. On the other hand, “What do you do?” is usually a question that comes just after an introduction. These people don’t need (or want) great insight into your life — they’re just making small talk until they either go mingle elsewhere or find common ground to form the basis of a real conversation. This one is always a surface question and it doesn’t need more than a surface answer.
How does “What do you do?” make you feel? How do you respond, and how does it seem to work? Leave your comments below!
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Answering “What Do You Do?” With Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome originally appeared on About.com Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome on Monday, December 28th, 2009 at 06:00:27.
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